Five awkward friendship moments: What do you say when…?

Every friendship, even the best of them, has predictable peaks and valleys---but the low points can still threaten even a solid friendship. Perhaps, the friend who you were sure would be your best friend forever (BFF) is beginning to feel intrusive and grating on your nerves. Or your BFF has disappointed you, let you down big-time, or displayed an inexcusable lapse in judgment. It may even be something more subtle, yet equally serious: You’re seeing each other less and less, and you simply feel like you are drifting apart. What do you say?
Many close friendships on the brink of disaster can be salvaged if friends are able to communicate openly and tell each other what’s bothering them. But it’s normal to feel awkward and tongue-tied about speaking up and talking about uncomfortable things; we all find it difficult to find the right words to say at the right time.

Some of the common question and responses on "How to Handle some of these Awkward but
Common friendship scenarios are:

1) …your friend talks about herself too much and is beginning to bore you to tears
It depends on how close you are and how much you get out of the relationship otherwise. If you’re not that close, the answer is, “Take her in small doses.” Maybe you have to see or talk to her less often and/or limit the amount of time you spend on each encounter. On the other hand, if she’s your best friend and you want to protect the relationship, you need to talk about this or the annoyance can build and lead to an explosion. You might try something like, “Our friendship is really important to me, but I feel our conversations are never about me and my life. I miss the back and forth we used to have.” Then keep quiet and let her respond. She may not realize she’s become so self-involved, or there may be some reason for her behavior that you’re not aware of.

2) … your friend asks too many personal or probing questions and is making you feel like you are on the witness stand
First try humor, as in “Asked and answered, counselor.” This may help her realize she’s overdoing it. But if she continues to behave this way and your relationship is close, you have to be honest. You might say, “Hey, you’re asking a lot of questions. I don’t like it. Back off.”

3) …your friend has undermined you at work
First find out whether it’s intentional. Did she mean to harm you? If the answer is no, you can still address the situation with "I know you didn’t mean to, but you messed up my client meeting.” Deliberate undermining is another matter. In that case, the friendship is over. I’d confront the person and say, “I know what you did.”

4) …your friend always seems to be “booked” and inaccessible, and you feel like you are drifting apart
This can happen when one friend gets married or has a baby or gets a big promotion—and the other friend does not. One has a new life style and/or new time consuming responsibilities and obligations. It can take time for both of you to figure out how to adjust. Tell the person, “I feel we hardly get together anymore and I’m afraid we’re disconnecting.” She may be as unhappy about it as you are. A conversation can lead to brainstorming solutions. It’s up to her to make an effort, however, because you’ve been trying to get together all along.

5) …your friend has had an irreconcilable tiff with a mutual friend
Stay out of it. If she wants you on her side, tell her, “You’re both my friends and I don’t want to be part of this. It’s strictly between the two of you.” Don’t let either of them drag you into their fight, although they will probably try.

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the excerpt is taken from the book "Toxic Friends/True Friends: How Your Friends Can Make Or Break Your Health" by Florence Isaacs....

A JOKER....

Have you seen a joker?

A person who makes people laugh with his silliest acts. Either he laughs or cries people laughs at him. So does that mean that he doesn’t have any feelings? He just has one motto in his life and that is to make people laugh. But does anyone tried to know the inner feeling of Joker. In today’s world many of us live the life of Joker. We just want to make people laugh by our silliest acts. And it doesn’t matter to them that why we are doing it. We just want to make our dear ones happy. And if this takes to do the things we don’t even like, we do it. But why we do it is the big question?

Many a times we feel that our people are getting bored with our actual self. And so we try to be the one that we are not actually. But does that solve our purpose? I suppose on the short term basis the answer is “Yes” but if we see it in a long term perspective I think our people tend to develop the kind of feeling in which they feel that we are the people who cannot be sad. And one day when we are sad, they say. “Is this the same person or the person is changed”. This is I suppose is the hardest fact of life. We started being perceived as someone else and then one day we lose our actual self identity. We get changed and then we start living in a different world which is actually not ours but is the perceived thought of our people.

I suppose our people like what we are and not what they have made us. So try to come out of the false world and start living in the actual world in which we have our own actual identity. It’s good to be joker so as to make people happy but people also have to understand that a Joker also have its feelings and needs someone to make him laugh. He actually wants someone to play ‘Joker’ for him/her. I think that sharing your sad part will never weaken the sadness but it is when we try to weaken people sadness with the happiness. I always want to be happy and it will only be possible if people associated with us will be happy. It will only happen if our world will be happy.

So now I say this that, “I am proud to be a Joker”, but sometimes this joker also needs a Joker.

A Dream..........

Laying underneath the stars,

On a warm silent night.

Your arms are wrapped around me,

And everything feels right.

You kiss me sweet and softly,

I feel your warm gentle touch,

You help me feel protected

Under the sweet night sky rush.

My world before me is perfect.

There's nowhere else I want to be,

Except laying underneath the stars

Hand in hand, you and me.

Just when everything is perfect,

And you seem so delicately sweet,

A rush of wind comes past me

As I'm swept beneath my feet.

Nothing could be more right,

There's nowhere else I want to be.

Let's take a walk my only love,

Hand in hand, you and me.

The Path to Nowhere....

When a person has been moving passionately on a path for a long period of time, it becomes very difficult for the person to admit that all that has been done was wrong. It takes more courage and a lesser ego than most people have. It is far easier to continue in the same direction, dismissing all doubts. Creating a place for such a person to give up what he/she did without feeling overly humiliated can reinvent the process of recovery.

It is a different story when a large group of people join hands to undermine existing authority. Perceived exploitation cannot by itself move large masses over extended periods, unless the masses are capable of reasoning. Lack of education or an uneducated society go a long way in obstructing the flow of reason. Sometimes though, the exploitation are not perceived, but real. When people have almost nothing to lose, they have almost no reason to conform to the demands of established authority. Such problems have a disturbing property: they don't go away. They stay, and they accumulate over decades and centuries. Millions suffer, millions die. Count to a million. And all because we are not willing to stop and say: 'I am sorry that I hurt you. My bad. What would you like me to do to make it up to you?'

Past Continues to Haunt............

I've always found it tough to deal with my past or with the pasts of "you-know-who"... Holding on to it. Forgetting it is the present that matters. And why crucify anybody for their past, can it be helped now... But somewhere down I've been so incapable of handling the whole notion of past... Sometimes continuing to believe that others would love to have had things to have worked out in a different way than what their present is... Even though I might have moved on.. Working out the different permutations and combinations, what if they'd had things going would she still find herself in the same place? And why on earth do I go digging old buried remains, reading rereading mails, seeing her pics and the works and expecting I'd take it in and not get affected... The past can never really be full of happy memories... and the worst of all I've in many ways become a self confessed person, that sometime I feel vulnerable otherwise why the hell can't I just let go of things... Let things be... why hold people responsible for their choices in the past, why work on the 'what ifs' when they are no where there... Hoping I'd grow beyond it all... pull the blinds on certain aspects of it all... And probably just grow up a lil...

The Right Path..

How many of us still think that we are stucked up in the wrong path. Many of us regret that if we have chosen the other way, thing would have been different. Let me tell you one thing. Before we decide to go anywhere, we must first choose our destination. To some this may be easy. Some people are born with the ambition to become a doctor or an engineer or an astronaut. But there are many others who find their path as they travel down life’s winding streets. There are also those, who create their own path. Whichever class you belong to, a goal is always important.

Accept, Adapt and Achieve. These are the three watchwords for success in today’s ever changing situation. Sticking to goal is vital. But knowing when to change them requiring wisdom and humility. The realization that our goals need to be modified may not be very easy to accept. To change the path that we’ve been following for ages takes courage.

It’s true – you are unique, you are special. But that doesn’t mean you can’t benefit from what others have to offer. Simply relying on your personal experiences may not be enough. You can always learn from the experience of others. Take a page from someone’s book and write it in your own handwriting in your book of life. Keep your identity, follow your own dream, but a little help does not make your success somebody else’s.

But there is something more difficult than saying ‘Yes’ – the ability to say ‘No’ at the right time. This is what draws the line between being an achiever and an underdog. You need to set your priorities right. Everyone has individual ideas of what’s important and what’s not. It’s true that your priorities shouldn’t be guided purely by external forces, but at the same time, you should strike a balance so you don’t end up with selfish ideals. You have to decide what it is that you’re willing to give up for right reason and what it is that you’d defend with everything that you have.

प्यार का एहसास.........

प्यार का ये एहसास कुछ ख़ास है।
सब कुछ दूर है, सब कुछ पास है।
अब तक तनहा था , अब यादों में भी उसका साथ है।
पल में खुश था, पल में उदास है॥


अब महफिलों में जाना भाता नही है।
दोस्तों का साथ रास आता नही है।
घूमना फिरना अब गुनाह लगता है।
उसकी याद में दिल फना लगता है॥

उसकी सादगी अब गहना लगती है।
बाकी सब सहना अब मुश्किल लगता है।
रात की गहरायिओं बहना अच्छा लगता है।
उसकी याद में रहना अच्छा लगता है॥

जब वो पास नही होती है।
उससे बात करने को दिल मचल जाता है।
जब वो सामने आती है।
कम्बखत ये होंठ सिल जाते है॥

ये दिल अब जज्बाती लगता है।
बाकी सब बेबाती लगता है।
अकेलापन अपना साथी लगता है।
बाकी सब बर्बादी लगता है॥